I’ve been in the vicious cycle of emotional eating for all of my adult life. Anything that happens in my life always leads to food. Family get-togethers, celebrations, sad affairs, stressful events, you name it – there’s food involved. My family gets together to eat all the time and mostly for no reason at all other than to eat together. My grandmother has this saying, “Food is all we’ve got.” My family is full of hearty eaters.
When I was growing up, I dealt with some pretty traumatic events in my life. In fact, I’m still in therapy so I can deal with everything properly and finally leave them in the past. It’s somewhat amazing how one thing can affect you in ways you never imagined for the rest of your life. I have trust issues, food issues, and many more issues to discuss. Anyway, I believe these events led me to emotional eating because there was nothing else to do. I felt like I had no one talk to about the things that were happening in my life when I was growing up.
My family is very judgmental and it irritates the living hell out of me. I work hard every day to not judge others because I know how it feels. I’m an accepting person who definitely has and isn’t afraid to share opinions. I think my emotional eating has gotten more severe as I’ve gotten older. I think that’s because I never dealt with my many issues before now.
I have a good life; it’s not the best and could always be better, but it’s a good life. I have an awesome husband who supports me in everything I do, no matter how stupid he might think it is. I have 2 boys who would do anything in the world for me and me for them, and I have a few close friends who are always there for me. I have a great job working from home and I work with some really amazing people. One would think that I have everything, and I do, except for a healthy lifestyle and a normal outlook on certain things.
Food is the one thing that’s never let me down. No matter what, it’s always been there and tasted amazing. However, I’m learning to not have any expectations on anything. No expectations means no disappointment. I used food for comfort because it never made me feel like a burden. To this day, I have a difficult time telling others my problems because I don’t want to burden them with my issues. I’m learning to overcome that, too, and that’s very difficult. I don’t feel that way with food. Food doesn’t ask questions, it doesn’t judge me, it doesn’t poke fun at me.
You have no idea how difficult it is for me to make this and my weight public. I’m so afraid of what others are going to think of me. I can hear some of the negative comments now. But, I can’t let that keep me from being the best possible me. I have to grow a thicker skin and remember that when others criticize me it’s because they’re insecure about themselves. I need to start thinking of food as an acquaintance and not a friend. It’s something that sustains life not something to make me happy.
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I built my life.- J.K. Rowling