Almost 2 years ago (August 2014), I reluctantly decided to have Mirena inserted into my body. I don’t need birth control because I had a tubal ligation almost 10 years ago. So, why did I get Mirena? Well, at the risk of sharing too much, I got it to control my heavy, very heavy, monthly flow. You see, what doctors won’t tell you about a tubal ligation is that you bleed like a stuck pig every freakin’ month and drop clots like you’ve just given birth. The pain associated with this mess is unreal and completely unnecessary.

After dealing with that for almost 9 years and being on 3 different types of birth control to control it, I decided to opt for the Mirena. I’m limited to what I can put into my body because my mom is a 2 time breast cancer survivor. Her cancer was estrogen and progesterone positive. What are the hormones in birth control? Ding, ding, ding – you got it! I “aged” out of the pill because I’m over 35 and I’m a smoker.

In the beginning…

When I had this sucker installed, it was the worst experience ever. My GYN told me I had to be on my period to make it easier and less painful to insert. Kiss my ass! I was coming up off that table and I cried like a baby. Check this out – I’ve had 2 c-sections so I know what pain is. That shit was horrible! I cramped the rest of the day and for weeks after that.

About 3 months into it, my body started to adjust. I no longer had to clear out the feminine hygiene aisle at Walmart and the cramping was minimal. I still had PMS though, much to my husband’s chagrin. That’s what he gets for not getting a vasectomy…just sayin!

A Year In…

Fast forward to September 2015 and shit started hitting the fan. My body was doing all sorts of things I didn’t tell it to do. There was severe cramping that doubled me over, chronic leg pain, and an irregular cycle like I had just gotten my period for the first time. I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

The cramping was fast and furious, just like contractions. The pain would go down my legs and my feet would sometimes go numb. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been doubled over because the pain is so severe. I felt like I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. I tried to track it, like a good little patient, but there was no rhyme or reason. There was no pattern whatsoever.

Fortunately, I saw my GYN that month for a “string check” (glamorous, huh?) and told her about it. Her answer to me was, “Wait until spring to see if your body adjusts.” Well, I did and it didn’t.

A Year Later…

I called my primary doctor last month hell bent on getting this thing removed. It was a particularly bad day when I saw my primary and she saw first-hand just how severe my cramping was.

She did a physical exam to see if that little bugger moved but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. She also ordered an x-ray just to make sure. From there, I had an ultrasound and a transvaginal ultrasound. Up next was an MRI. Apparently, my insides are perfectly normal and the mirena hasn’t moved. Wtf?! I’ve been on prescription pain meds since that visit. Lovely, right?

My Relief

I finally got that bitch removed Friday morning. I’m back to where I started, buying up tampons and pads like they’re going out of style. At this point, I don’t care because the pain is gone! During the removal, literally felt the pressure leave when the mirena was gone. I can’t put into words how amazing that felt! I was really nervous about having it removed, especially when the nurse came in with ibuprofen for me to take beforehand. I was pleasantly surprised that I only felt one twinge of pain before the sweet release of everything. There was very little cramping after and no spotting. I felt fantastic!

I guess the hormones were out of my system come Sunday morning because I woke up to my period. Eh, oh well, it happens. But, what I didn’t wake up to was horrible, stabbing pains that doubled me over. Gotta take the good with the bad.