I had my 6 month check up on Monday and I weighed in at a whopping 278 pounds. This is the largest I’ve ever been and I’m not going to stand for it anymore. At the end of this check up, I learned, not only do I still have high blood pressure and high cholesterol, but I also have type 2 diabetes. I’ve been teetering on the edge for quite some time but I never thought I’d fall. Well, it looks like I was wrong.
Like everyone else who struggles with weight loss, I’ve tried just about everything to lose the pounds. My problem is that, while I have good intentions, my follow through sucks balls! Each time, I’ve started strong only to hurt myself or let something throw me off course. Right now, I no longer have that option. Despite how I feel or what I’d rather do, my health must be front and center of everything in my life. I’ve made it clear to myself and everyone around me that I don’t love myself and that stops now.
I guess it was sometime last year, when I was floating around in the pool, that my brain started chattering away about me. It was so intense that I had to get out of the pool and write it all down. It just wasn’t going to let it go. So, out I got and wrote until my brain finally shut up about it. Here’s what I figured out (and, yes, it still applies):
What do I like about myself?
- Sense of humor
What don’t I like about myself?
- Perfectionist tendencies
- I expect too much
- Acne scars
How can I change what I don’t like?
1. I need to exercise for at least 30 minutes each day. I need to eat better foods; more whole grains, fruits, and veggies. I need to track all of my food and exercise using the LoseIt app. I must exercise first thing in the morning so that I actually do it!
2. Unless I have plastic surgery, there’s not a whole lot I can do about this one. My boobs don’t bother me enough to willingly have surgery that’s going to render me virtually useless for a few weeks.
3. I don’t want to settle for close enough is good enough, but I don’t want to keep adding stress to my life either. I have to learn to accept that my best is good enough. Not everyone is going to be happy with me or what I do, but I’m not responsible for anyone’s happiness but mine.
4. I need to learn to expect absolutely nothing or to accept that whatever wasn’t meant to be. Basically, I need a more positive outlook on things and people. Not everyone is as thoughtful or considerate as me.
5. These scars could be much worse than they are and I’m grateful they aren’t. I could spend hundreds of dollars on chemical peels, which would lessen the scars but leave me confined to the house because of peeling. Or, I can accept them as a badge of courage and find new techniques to covering them using makeup.
6. I need to just get things done so that I can stay on track. Even if I don’t want to do it, I have to suck it up and get it done. I need to remind myself that the more I get done, the less I have to do the next day. What an example to set for the boys!
This was all well before my diagnosis but it definitely still applies. Maybe diabetes was the kick in the ass I needed – I don’t know. I’d hate to think that I let myself get this far gone before I took action but, let’s be real, that’s exactly what happened. I failed at taking care of myself – period. I could ramble off excuse after excuse but that’s the real deal.
How did I let myself get to 278 pounds?!
The answer is simple – I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and I didn’t exercise. I was lazy. I struggle with emotional eating, skipping meals, and always making excuses as to why I can’t do this or can’t do that. My favorite go-to excuse was that I didn’t have time. Bullshit! I didn’t make time – there’s a difference. I waited until the last horn blew to get off my ass and do something about it. I’m a triple threat and not in the way I want to be but I’ll get there.
So, what I am doing differently now?
Well, as of Monday, my entire world changed. It’s all whole grains for me, counting calories and carbs, and cutting way back on sugar. That was the hardest because I love my iced coffees from Dunkin’ Donuts. I started Metformin today and I’ve also been testing my glucose once a day. Now that’s a pain in the ass! The Metformin is no walk in the friggin’ park either. It’s like trying to swallow a dime. I grew out of that stuff a long time ago! 😉 I’ve researched the hell out of type 2 diabetes. I’m talking recipes, carb counts, glucose levels, everything. I’ve spent a lot time really learning about it and taking it all in.
What’s to come?
Who the hell knows but I can tell you this – I will NEVER see 278 pounds again! I know – never say never – but, trust me when I say that I will never see it again. I’m not going to let it happen!